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  • Writer's pictureSusan Lawson

Holding Loosely, But Not Letting Go

Updated: Mar 20, 2019

"Faith is a bridge between where I am and where God is taking me" Tony Evans

He loved it, almost as much as I did. We took two of our daughters with us to view the house. They loved it too. My husband, whose job seems to be keeping this emotion-driven, menopausal woman grounded, wasn't ready to make an offer in a hurry and not nearly for the price it was listed. I resisted (oh boy is that an understatement) the sense of urgency that we could lose this house if we didn't act quickly, and surrendered it to the same God that I fully believe brought us to it in the first place. I told myself, if it is meant to be ours, he will preserve it for us. If not, then it never was, and perhaps it was just another lesson in refinement. We told the realtor we wanted just a little more time to think about it, and pray about it, but we would probably be ready to write an offer in the next week or so.

We left, having taken photos of every angle of the house and property possible, and a collection of leaves and nuts from the trees for later identification. We found a local pub and enjoyed lunch together while we talked about all the possibilities. A bonus detail I have to mention here is that we discovered the best fried mushrooms since our days in Oklahoma where we regularly enjoyed them at Garfield’s! Another sign? Perhaps…

We went home and I tried not to crawl out of my skin with excitement. Convinced that we had a good plan and would meet up with the realtor to write an offer the following week after taking a look at a couple other homes in the same price range, just to be sure, we settled in for a cozy night of movies.

And then I got the text. The text that told me the listing agent passed along that they had received an offer on the house and if we wanted to submit one it would need to be no later than 10:00 the next morning.  I simply opened the text, laid the phone down for John to read, and walked away. I excused myself for just a couple of minutes to go upstairs and compose myself. I prayed, and then returned to the group that was waiting to see if I was having a major meltdown.

“Do we need to go ahead and submit an offer?”John asked.

“No, we made a decision, it was the right one and we’re going to stick to it. I don’t want to feel hurried. I'm going to trust.”

I believed it in my head and my heart. It was hard, but I stuck to it and I did not have a meltdown. Miracle of miracles. Conversation pretty much ended on the subject.

I had a rough night. But there were no tears, no meltdowns, no anger. I had prayed hard, and committed to trusting God, trusting John, and believing that whatever happened it would be in God’s control. Even if all things pointed to this being the right house for us, maybe there was still some waiting to be done. After an hour praying in the quiet hours of the night, I slept well.

I awoke the next morning, knowing it wasn’t done. I knew I was supposed to get up and listen, because there was more to hear. I wrote a list of what I believed I was hearing.

  1. Get our house ready to sell

  2. Save as much money as I can

  3. Ask the listing agent to let us know if the offer was not accepted

  4. Look for another house in the meantime

Prepare for rain

Build a House

It really did come to me just as clearly as that. It was weird to be honest. I don’t recall ever being able to as readily accept an outcome that I was so disappointed about. But there it was. I sat and enjoyed the rest of my quiet morning coffee time.

Then my sweet husband roused from his hibernation. :-) I imagined he was wondering how bad it would be today after I stewed in the realization for a while, maybe even a little afraid to come down and face the monster in me. Instead, he firmly announced, “This isn’t over. I’ve been thinking about this and what we need to do is get this house ready to sell and keep looking.”

I smiled and shook my head knowingly. I think he might have been a bit confused. But I assured him we were on the same page as I showed him my written list. I assured him we had made the right decision not to rush in and make an offer because we felt pressured. We both felt that we had received confirmation about this decision.

Peace. I experienced complete peace. I surrendered and trusted, and I received peace. God was faithful, as he always is.

We continue to learn, and move in the direction we feel God is leading us. This was the first house I have ever seen that had a floor plan like I envisioned. All the details that we loved have been catalogued and discussed. The few things that we would have liked to change eventually have also been noted. So many lessons learned.

So, now the search is on for a little piece of property. We now know that as little as ¾ of an acre will even suffice, if it’s the right setting. The refining continues and we are so excited about all the possibilities! The prayers will continue, trust will continue and confidence that we will eventually be in a new space we can call home is growing.

There is work to be done, getting this house ready to list, and finding a place to build our new home. I know God already has it picked out for us. Now we just have to be patient while we wait for him to reveal it to us.

I am thankful for the opportunity to see the possibilities in real life, to walk through the rooms, and know how it can come together. We could all see our crew living life there. We look forward to the time when we are in our own new space!

Carry on!

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