The other day I had a thought while I was on my walk. I thought I heard this conversation...
Me in the past when I am overwhelmed, exhausted, and feeling unimportant, crying out, “Is my only purpose in life just to wait hand and foot on these people!? Is that all I’m good for, seriously?!!!”
I usually didn’t get an answer to that question (well, never actually). I just continued my pity party until it was over and the guests had exited the place - and I was, generally speaking, the only guest, of course. Well, actually there were usually others - my daughters or my husband or maybe Robin. But a true pity party only has room for one. :-)
I just kept on doing what I do, asking sometimes for an attitude adjustment. Then it happened. I recalled those, albeit one way, conversations from earlier, which by the way were not single episodes, they were repeated all too frequently, and I heard my heart asking the question again, but not with so much frustration and bitterness. And then I heard the answer, “Well, yes actually, it is your purpose.”
“What!?”
To serve others with a cheerful heart as much as possible, and to serve them with compassion and perseverance when cheerful is difficult or impossible does, indeed, appear to be my purpose. Don't roll your eyes, it's your purpose too.
I think this might be in response to a prayer that I’ve been praying lately. Because life is weird and unexpectedly busier in this season of life than I ever anticipated, I have found it very difficult (let’s face it, impossible) to exercise any real control over how my time is spent. I mean, I get to choose certain things, like having healthy boundaries and working within the parameters of caregiving and service rather than care taking. But when it comes to scheduling or planning my days and my work, it’s kind of entertaining to see how often it just becomes a train wreck - one of those things you see happening but can’t do anything about.
I know that whatever God’s plans and priorities are for me are far better than anything I could come up with, but for this girl’s personality, it is a struggle to let go and let God. I kept thinking that I should plan it all and then ask for his approval. But I’m finding that I spend valuable time planning things that more often than not don’t come to fruition that I could simply spend doing what he asks of me, which is almost always serving people. Isn’t that really what we’re supposed to do? We all serve in different ways, but ultimately, if we are doing what scripture has taught us we are to do, it’s always service in one way or another. We serve our God by serving his people with the gifts he has given us.
So, I am trying to do less and less planning, and more and more letting go and letting God. So far it’s looking promising, at least in hind sight. It’s very much a leap of faith, the whole not really knowing what’s supposed to come next.
What comes next right now is grocery shopping. I gotta get out the door!
Have a wonderful day!!
PS: Yes, I know the photo is completely unrelated. However, I snapped it during said walk, so although I'm stretching a bit, it is related LOL.
PSS: Yes, this is written how I talk, Heaven help the people who live with me. I ramble on and on and on. Usually when I publish something I have taken the time to tame it a bit. But I think I'm going to do that less and less :-)