I'm starting a new thing. I'm going to call them 'Throwback Thursdays'.
I've been perusing my former blog and rereading some of the articles I posted there. I actually enjoy reading back through my memories. Here's one that made me smile.
Sunday, once dreaded, now cherished
Some folks would read that title and gasp, "How could anyone ever dread Sundays?!" Well, I did and so did some other people I know. Not so much anymore. What happened? Some major changes will go unspoken but I thank the Lord for it from the bottom of my soul and He knows exactly to what I refer. But the biggest came from making it a priority to get everyone together for a meal. Now, mind you, I never said at the table for a meal :-) Actually, we do try as often as possible to make room for all at the table but sometimes we find ourselves scattered around the kitchen, dining room and at the sofa watching the remaining minutes of the Steelers game. But the point is that we are together, in the same home, sharing loud and whispered conversations and all octaves of chatter, laughter and stories. There's wrestling and teasing (good natured, of course) and debates about politics, religion and just about anything else you can imagine.
I have also realized that my expectations were simply too high. I imagined a picture perfect scene with a perfectly decorated and cleaned house and no stress... When I realized you just have to work around the mess and the stress and enjoy the moments you have everything got better. John and I have started 'fencing' our Sundays for our family and it has made a world of difference!
Interestingly, I do love Sundays still, although I think there might have been a period between then and now that I did not... We are still fencing the day for ourselves, but mostly just for him and me. We rarely get a single moment alone together, and Sundays have to be a day of rest for us at this point. Literally, a day of rest. One that includes a nap and no work. We often go out to brunch after church so I don't have to cook at all that day. I'm thankful for this. John has made it his mission to protect this day for me.
It makes me sad that Sundays are no longer a family day, because the truth is we don't have any other day set aside just for family gatherings either. Gathering all of us under one roof has become increasingly difficult even thought all five of our adult children and their families live nearby. We are in a season when much is required of us, and let's face it, we're not getting any younger.
I personally am tired and frustrated by the constant thought that another season, a less demanding, less busy, less sorrowful season will help ease the burden and the suffering in our lives. It won't. It just won't. I'm learning, painfully, that all seasons present their own set of struggles and hard things. We do not know what tomorrow will bring, let alone next year. But we can be assured that it will include some degree of trouble.
I am showing up each day to face whatever it will bring. I have to reset over and over and over. I surrender ~ I take it back ~ I surrender, again. I smile, I cry, I laugh, I scream, I sing along with the songs that remind me of hope, and I hug my people tight when they are facing their own hard things. I'm lonely, but I'm never alone. I miss my friends, but I don't have bandwidth to invest in those relationships right now, and I suspect they don't either.
On good days, I know that this is all part of the journey, and God is surprised by absolutely none of it. I take comfort that He has walked ahead of me through whatever fire I face, and he has done the same for those I love. I cannot imagine life without hope, without faith that there is something beyond this.
On bad days, I just know that this too shall pass, and I hug my people even tighter, for just a little longer.
I always imagined I'd be a blogger/writer that brought hope and encouragement to other people, women in particular. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. These days I realize I am just a fellow sojourner on a journey filled with mountains and valleys, and a lot of dangers (and joys) along the way. I never really wanted to be the only one saying anything, I just wanted to be part of a conversation.
Here's another post I wrote that takes me back to a 'sweeter time'.
*Note: the focus of Free the Girls has change and you can read about that here.