We can do this
In the past six years I have worked conscientiously toward de-cluttering our home. It's been done in fits and spurts. There have been days and weeks when I drove my mini-van to the local Salvation Army filled to the brim with everything imaginable - books, toys, clothes, books, kitchen appliances, pet supplies, army gear, books, furniture, craft supplies, homeschool curriculum, books. I even tried having a couple yard sales in hopes of recouping at least a tiny fraction of the money I spent on the myriad of things I collected over the years. Five kids, 23 moves, homeschooling, hoarder DNA and "idea junkie" - I (we) had collected a LOT of stuff.
We live in a four bedroom, two-story house with a basement (with two more bedrooms) and a garage we have never been able to actually use for our vehicles. When we first moved into this house, we owned a GMC 3500, dual wheel, full size bed, full-size crew cab pick up. You probably wouldn't expect to be able to store that vehicle in a typical suburban garage, I'll grant you that much. But the garage became the overflow for everything I couldn't store, stuff or cram into any other square inch of the house. It was a certain recipe for misery.
Moving about every two to three years as a military family forced us, for a while, to sift through unnecessary belongings and at least try to leave behind what we didn't really need, use or love. Perhaps that what kept it a bay for such a long time. My husband retired from the military just a few years after we moved into this house and although we have never EVER thought of this house as our forever home - here we are, still. We've lived in this house longer than my husband has ever lived anywhere his entire life. I still have a little ways to go before I can say I've been in this house longer than the one where I grew up. After the first four years passed and we weren't packing up to move to the next duty station, the clutter began to expand - in all directions.
There were still boxes and totesmy dear husband we had never even opened from the last duty station being moved from one place to another in our house and in and out of the garage. There was an ever increasing amount of books, because well - for one thing we were homeschooling, for another my husband and I both LOVE books and we have a really hard time letting go of them. There were kids books, baby books, photo books, curriculum (can you say curriculum junkie?) college text books (from 1984), gardening books, self-help books, bibles, devotionals, fiction... We actually could have been a branch of our local library, I'm - not - kidding. There was craft supplies, sewing supplies and all the great and wonderful gadgets my generous mom had purchased over the years in hopes that I would find something, anything, in that arena that I might actually do.
Then there was the party planning, entertaining, I-want-to-be-a-chef collections. Catering supplies, paper products, decorations, linens, COOKBOOKS, oh the cookbooks. There will be a separate post related to this topic...
My husband is (was) a computer geek. Everyone we know has given him a computer at some point either in hopes that he could repair it or just so he'd have "spare parts". At the current time, we have approximately 42 computers (I may be exaggerating by say 10), 10 towers (obsolete towers), cables, cords, discs, programs, adapters, etc. taking up residence in our garage, basement and two bedrooms. This my friends, is the final frontier. He assures me that he will be ready to part with them soon... sighhh.
Five kids and one income family means hand-me-downs, so I saved every stitch of clothing ever bought or given to us because "someday" someone will wear that, right? Different duty stations, different climates, different wardrobes. Mama getting bigger, mama getting smaller, mama getting bigger, mama getting smaller - and I don't mean from pregnancy. If I moved from one size clothing I always hung on to the old stuff because I never knew when I'd be right back where I started. Clothing remains one of my greatest challenges. And shoes. We still have too many pairs of shoes. And socks, who on earth needs this many socks? And why is there a basket or box or pile of socks that haven't seen their match in like a year? or two?
Power tools, broken power washer, scrap wood, gardening supplies, pallets, paper, filing waiting to be done, photos not in books, memorabilia set aside for when I get around to scrap booking, decor I've grown tired of or never liked in the first place, things purchased that need to be returned but have exceeded the return date, curtains from six duty stations ago, stuff other people don't have room for and have decided our house is a good storage facility for, and last but not least (not even last really but for this list we'll make it last) things people I love have given me that are no longer wanted or needed and I refuse to get rid of or pass on to someone else simply because I think it will hurt their feelings if they ever visit and can't find it proudly displayed front and center. God help us all, because I know for certain I am not the only one who has traveled down this road.
In fact, the older I get the more my eyes are opened to see that there are more of us rather than less. Our stuff has become a no-kidding serious problem for many of us. I have been reading and hearing more and more often this idea that a cluttered mind results from a cluttered life - our physical clutter, mental clutter, emotional clutter and spiritual clutter. It makes us sick and robs us of the wonder and joy that we could be experiencing if we would just make better choices in what we allow ourselves to "own". How simple its that? It seems crazy simple, right? Explain that to the woman who hides herself in her bathroom and cries because she's so overwhelmed with trying to keep up. The woman who is constantly telling her kids who ask her to play a game with her, not right now, I have to clean the house. The woman who gets up every day and wonders if this is all there is. Am I just a maid? Is this all I will ever be able to do - cook, clean, do laundry, hunt for thing my family needs amidst the chaos that has become our home? I've been that woman, and as simple as it seems, it's not easy. But it is possible.
Now don't get me wrong, I love, love, love being a stay-at-home mom and these things are the ways we express our sacrificial love to our family. I'm talking about when it gets so out of balance that we're missing the point. And herein lies the challenge. I have recently been reading two different approaches that on the surface would seem like they contradict each other. But it's always about the balance, isn't it?
On the one hand, I've been reading Never Unfriended by Lisa Jo-Baker and loving it. In her chapter titled Create (Imperfect) Time and Space Together, she talks about the profound need for women to be ready to share themselves with others right where they are whether they think they're ready or not. Yoga (sweat) pants, pony tails, dirty dishes and even the most extreme messes we live with raising a family. Right where we are - we need to invite other women into our space and let them see what it really looks like when we think no one else will see it. This is where we will find our true girl friends, the ones that stick around for life and know us inside and out. The girl friends we can sit for hours and hours and hours talking and leave still knowing we could talk more if we had the time. This is the kind of friendship that is fast becoming extinct with Facebook, Instagram and other social media. We all know this, we see it, we feel it and yet so many of us aren't taking the steps to change the tide. What we stand to lose is something I'm not willing to let go without a fight. Another topic for a separate post soon :-)
That being said, the other thing I've been reading/watching is Allie Casazza, a gal who is inspiring and helping so many moms become more intentional about their lives through minimalism living. The current thing happening is De-Clutter Like a Mother! It's a 30 day challenge to help cut through the clutter in our homes in the 31 days of May. Everything I see her sharing is what I have learned over the course of the last six years - that's about how long it's taken me on my own de-cluttering journey, and I'm not quite at maintenance phase yet, but I'm really, really close. I would encourage anyone, particularly young mamas, to check out her blog, Facebook, etc... I think she is right on about the reasons it's so important to consider living a more clutter-free life, in every way.
And there we find the seeming contradiction - on the one hand I agree wholeheartedly that we should allow people into our space right where we are, messy and real and ordinary. At the same time, I believe that striving to live a life free of unnecessary clutter makes room for extraordinary relationships with people rather than stuff. Unless you were lucky enough to start out with this mindset, you may decide that there is room for change in your own life. May I suggest a balance of these two ideas? Go ahead and invite people into your imperfect space and time. Welcome the unexpected visitors with open arms and be glad for the time with them rather than fretting over the condition of your space. At the same time, start slowly and steadily finding your way to a life with less stuff; fewer belongings to cope with in your home, fewer commitments on your calendar and more white space, less worry and anxiety and more joy.
We live in a four bedroom, two-story house with a basement (with two more bedrooms) and a garage we have never been able to actually use for our vehicles. When we first moved into this house, we owned a GMC 3500, dual wheel, full size bed, full-size crew cab pick up. You probably wouldn't expect to be able to store that vehicle in a typical suburban garage, I'll grant you that much. But the garage became the overflow for everything I couldn't store, stuff or cram into any other square inch of the house. It was a certain recipe for misery.
Moving about every two to three years as a military family forced us, for a while, to sift through unnecessary belongings and at least try to leave behind what we didn't really need, use or love. Perhaps that what kept it a bay for such a long time. My husband retired from the military just a few years after we moved into this house and although we have never EVER thought of this house as our forever home - here we are, still. We've lived in this house longer than my husband has ever lived anywhere his entire life. I still have a little ways to go before I can say I've been in this house longer than the one where I grew up. After the first four years passed and we weren't packing up to move to the next duty station, the clutter began to expand - in all directions.
There were still boxes and totes
Then there was the party planning, entertaining, I-want-to-be-a-chef collections. Catering supplies, paper products, decorations, linens, COOKBOOKS, oh the cookbooks. There will be a separate post related to this topic...
My husband is (was) a computer geek. Everyone we know has given him a computer at some point either in hopes that he could repair it or just so he'd have "spare parts". At the current time, we have approximately 42 computers (I may be exaggerating by say 10), 10 towers (obsolete towers), cables, cords, discs, programs, adapters, etc. taking up residence in our garage, basement and two bedrooms. This my friends, is the final frontier. He assures me that he will be ready to part with them soon... sighhh.
Five kids and one income family means hand-me-downs, so I saved every stitch of clothing ever bought or given to us because "someday" someone will wear that, right? Different duty stations, different climates, different wardrobes. Mama getting bigger, mama getting smaller, mama getting bigger, mama getting smaller - and I don't mean from pregnancy. If I moved from one size clothing I always hung on to the old stuff because I never knew when I'd be right back where I started. Clothing remains one of my greatest challenges. And shoes. We still have too many pairs of shoes. And socks, who on earth needs this many socks? And why is there a basket or box or pile of socks that haven't seen their match in like a year? or two?
Power tools, broken power washer, scrap wood, gardening supplies, pallets, paper, filing waiting to be done, photos not in books, memorabilia set aside for when I get around to scrap booking, decor I've grown tired of or never liked in the first place, things purchased that need to be returned but have exceeded the return date, curtains from six duty stations ago, stuff other people don't have room for and have decided our house is a good storage facility for, and last but not least (not even last really but for this list we'll make it last) things people I love have given me that are no longer wanted or needed and I refuse to get rid of or pass on to someone else simply because I think it will hurt their feelings if they ever visit and can't find it proudly displayed front and center. God help us all, because I know for certain I am not the only one who has traveled down this road.
In fact, the older I get the more my eyes are opened to see that there are more of us rather than less. Our stuff has become a no-kidding serious problem for many of us. I have been reading and hearing more and more often this idea that a cluttered mind results from a cluttered life - our physical clutter, mental clutter, emotional clutter and spiritual clutter. It makes us sick and robs us of the wonder and joy that we could be experiencing if we would just make better choices in what we allow ourselves to "own". How simple its that? It seems crazy simple, right? Explain that to the woman who hides herself in her bathroom and cries because she's so overwhelmed with trying to keep up. The woman who is constantly telling her kids who ask her to play a game with her, not right now, I have to clean the house. The woman who gets up every day and wonders if this is all there is. Am I just a maid? Is this all I will ever be able to do - cook, clean, do laundry, hunt for thing my family needs amidst the chaos that has become our home? I've been that woman, and as simple as it seems, it's not easy. But it is possible.
Now don't get me wrong, I love, love, love being a stay-at-home mom and these things are the ways we express our sacrificial love to our family. I'm talking about when it gets so out of balance that we're missing the point. And herein lies the challenge. I have recently been reading two different approaches that on the surface would seem like they contradict each other. But it's always about the balance, isn't it?
On the one hand, I've been reading Never Unfriended by Lisa Jo-Baker and loving it. In her chapter titled Create (Imperfect) Time and Space Together, she talks about the profound need for women to be ready to share themselves with others right where they are whether they think they're ready or not. Yoga (sweat) pants, pony tails, dirty dishes and even the most extreme messes we live with raising a family. Right where we are - we need to invite other women into our space and let them see what it really looks like when we think no one else will see it. This is where we will find our true girl friends, the ones that stick around for life and know us inside and out. The girl friends we can sit for hours and hours and hours talking and leave still knowing we could talk more if we had the time. This is the kind of friendship that is fast becoming extinct with Facebook, Instagram and other social media. We all know this, we see it, we feel it and yet so many of us aren't taking the steps to change the tide. What we stand to lose is something I'm not willing to let go without a fight. Another topic for a separate post soon :-)
That being said, the other thing I've been reading/watching is Allie Casazza, a gal who is inspiring and helping so many moms become more intentional about their lives through minimalism living. The current thing happening is De-Clutter Like a Mother! It's a 30 day challenge to help cut through the clutter in our homes in the 31 days of May. Everything I see her sharing is what I have learned over the course of the last six years - that's about how long it's taken me on my own de-cluttering journey, and I'm not quite at maintenance phase yet, but I'm really, really close. I would encourage anyone, particularly young mamas, to check out her blog, Facebook, etc... I think she is right on about the reasons it's so important to consider living a more clutter-free life, in every way.
And there we find the seeming contradiction - on the one hand I agree wholeheartedly that we should allow people into our space right where we are, messy and real and ordinary. At the same time, I believe that striving to live a life free of unnecessary clutter makes room for extraordinary relationships with people rather than stuff. Unless you were lucky enough to start out with this mindset, you may decide that there is room for change in your own life. May I suggest a balance of these two ideas? Go ahead and invite people into your imperfect space and time. Welcome the unexpected visitors with open arms and be glad for the time with them rather than fretting over the condition of your space. At the same time, start slowly and steadily finding your way to a life with less stuff; fewer belongings to cope with in your home, fewer commitments on your calendar and more white space, less worry and anxiety and more joy.
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