Inbetween

Time moves quickly and slowly all at once.  I can't believe it's the last day of April already, but at the same time I can't believe it's not later.  Weird.  Rain, storms, more rain.  The heat will come, I know, and I will complain.  There really isn't enough time in the transition to enjoy its weather when it's perfect, not too hot, not too cold.  Sometimes I think this is where I want to live - in the transition.

One foot in where I've been and one foot in where I'm going, not sure I'm ready to stay and not sure I'm ready to go.  This somewhat describes my life right now.  I'm an almost-empty-nester with one grown child packing up and leaving to a place far-far away soon - and taking the grandkids with her.  The youngest just got her driver's license and we're working toward more and more independence for her which means lots less chauefering for me. 

Feeling uninspired lately and at the same time overwhelmed with ideas about what to do with the "extra" white space appearing on my calendar.  Feeling quilty that I have loved my "job" as a stay-at-home-mom and wife all these years and my sweet husband goes to a job every day that he really has grown to loathe. Thoughts of how I can move into a season of doing something else I love and somehow, down the road a bit, contribute in a way that allows him to make choices to do something he loves.  The voice in my head on Friday that whispered, "You could just get a job" jolted me at the core and sent me into a mental and emotional downward spiral of self-pity and semi-depression. 

What will the next season really look like when we get there?  How much of the season we're leaving behind will we miss and want to cling to? How do I remain purposeful in the season that is not quite behind us and still embrace the things coming our way in the new season?

Only God knows...