Homemaker
We watched Me Time last night - it’s a movie with Kevin Hart and Mark Wahlberg. It was interesting, funny, and actually had an important message even if they didn’t realize it.
For a long time now, I’ve been a “housewife”. It was the answer to my childhood dream to be a full time stay-at-home mom. I don’t think I ever really thought beyond the time when there were kids at home to be mom to. Would I go to work then? Have a career? Go to school and get a degree that I’d passed by when I chose to be at home full time?
I, like most, had to spend a significant portion of my time and energy validating myself and my choice to be a SAHM. Most women in today’s culture who have chosen this road have come face-to-face with the opinions of other people that we are not living up to our full potential if we are just a SAHM. There’s so much more that I could say about that, but for now I’m just going to leave it there. Because that’s not exactly what I’m going to talk about today. I want to explore the path that goes even beyond that one - the path where I become a stay-at-home-wife with no more kids at home to raise. They’ve all been raised, and in my opinion, they’ve been raised well. Not perfectly, but well. As well as we could do with what we had and what we knew. That’s all anyone can hope for really.
But now that the kids are all adults and can and do fend for themselves in this world, the future is wide open for me to change directions - go to school, take classes, get a job, volunteer for a position that utilizes whatever skills I possess. But I didn’t do any of that. I did something that is even more rare (as far as I can tell) and chose to use my skills and energy simply being a homemaker. It took me a hot minute to be able to name what it is that I do. I wrestle with the thought that I’ll never “be” anything other than what I am. It feels like less. Less than what I should be, less than the world thinks I should be, less than what God created me to be, less than my family thinks I ought to be. But if you ask my family, they will tell you that I am exactly what I’m supposed to be. I am the center and heartbeat of the family. I think. I think they would say that. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should check with some of them. LOL
Now that I have named what it is that I am, I think I am better able to focus on my purpose and work and leave the doubt behind. I can be content and believe that I really am enough. I am not less than. As a mother of adult children and ma-ma to their children, wife to a wonderful husband, daughter to an aging parent who requires care, I have plenty of work to keep me busy. I don’t even need to volunteer my time and energy to others outside that circle. Volunteerism is a very good thing, until it becomes the only way a person can find validation. That’s what happened to me for a long time. I invested so much more of myself in the people and causes that I volunteered for that my family and our home began to feel, and indeed was, neglected in many ways. It became a situation where a good thing became more important in my mind than the best thing, and the best thing became less than the good thing. I want the best things for my family, for myself, and for others. Sometimes that means that there are a lot of good things that have to be left for others to do. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure - you’ve heard that, right? Just as that’s true, it’s also true that a thing that is good for one person is the best for another. If you know, you know.
Back to the movie… I was impressed with the way that they didn’t feel like they had to change up the circumstances for the stay-at-home dad to give him some hidden value. He loved being the one caring for their home and their kids, volunteering, and supporting his working wife. His wife valued his role and acknowledged it. There was no lingering feeling of inequality in my mind. There were a few lessons learned and taken to heart, but I think we all have things to learn in order to grow in our roles.
My kindred spirit and I have often discussed the ways that coming back to the basics of homemaking also grounds us when we’ve been drifting off course mentally, spiritually, emotionally - even financially. We do have mad skills in a lot of areas, some more than others. Using those skills to be the very best homemakers we can be is incredibly rewarding.
So, from here on out I’m owning this new job title - even though I’ve held the position for quite some time now. If you can relate and this is (or should be) your title too, join me while I explore ways to further develop my mad skills as a homemaker. This should be fun!!
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