Perspective changes everything
I was given a gift this week; a new perspective. I pray that I can hold on to the new perspective in the days that come when I will be inclined to see through the old perspective - the one that always comes back round. I have avoided looking deeper at a situation that I have been concerned about for years - a possibility that has reared its ugly head too many times for a rational person to deny it as long as I have. It's not the first time I've done this for other situations though and my closest friends and relatives would know what that means more specifically but it's not a topic for a public blog. I don't think the specifics are really important to make my point anyway.
It's not like me to go into a book store and hesitate to pick up a recommended book for any given subject piquing my interest/curiosity but for some reason I have stood in front of one section of the store several times (with the books in my arms) contemplating whether or not I want to take this information home with me where I would be forced to deal with my concerns. My trust in God's perfect timing and the knowledge that I surrender daily to Him gives me great consolation and prevents what would otherwise turn into regret and shame for my long delay. During a rare day of shopping alone ;-) I decided, on a whim more than anything, to drop into Barnes and Noble. I couldn't remember anything in particular on a list that I intended to pick up but it just settled on me that I should stop in (like I needed a reason, right!) and browse. It should be no surprise that I found myself standing in front of that section again. This time, however, there was zero hesitation and I didn't browse. I knew exactly which book I needed so I picked it up and added it to the small collection already in my arms and walked directly to the check-out. I didn't even open it up - just one more time - to double check the content.
I should back up a smidgen and share that I often struggle with regret over the way our homeschooling has played out in the past four years - that perspective mentioned earlier. My regret is in the area of academics specifically. As a homeschooling advocate and long time leader of several homeschooling support groups I have often experienced the stereotypical attitude that all homeschooling students excel in academics - often getting grade levels ahead - and have impressive experience in other areas of academics and activities that their traditional educated peers miss out on. I've also been witness to the attitude that homeschool families are immune to disfunction, divorce, addictions, rebellion, etc.... - a topic for an entirely different post and different time. Both attitudes are erroneous. It is true that some, perhaps even many, homeschool students do excel in many areas and get grade levels ahead but it's not a guarantee and that attitude can leave others who do not share that experience feeing like complete failures. I have been a victim of that attitude off and on for the duration of the past four years. That attitude and perspective are borne as the result of a characteristic that too closely defines my personality - inconsistent. There, I said it - wrote it. I. am. inconsistent. I don't want to be but until God removes that from me - I am. I have tried everything on my own to change, to be better, to "get it right". Lord knows I have been reminded enough to know that others know I'm inconsistent. We're always the last to know, right? Well, I may have been the last to know but that doesn't mean I haven't understood that for a very long time. It's a struggle I've fought and given into so many times that it really is old news. I digress...
Several years ago I was placed firmly on a path of "recovery". I have grown and learned so much during these past four years, more than the previous 44 years together you might say. One thing I have learned is that God can do what I cannot. God knows what I do not. God can be trusted. God loves those I love even more than I do or ever could. As faith and trust grow, the occasions that I have been able to see so clearly how God worked in situations and in people and hearts to bring about good simply leaves me amazed. The more I trust the more I have eyes to see and the more I see the more I trust. It is a beautiful perspective. But sometimes I lose it and have to work hard to gain it again. But it is all growth - the struggle grows me - it's fertile ground.
The struggle that I have had with regret about academics and our homeschooling experience this year has been some of that fertile ground. It took a long time but I finally did accept that although our academics suffered these past four years (the high school years for two of my kiddos) relationships were healed. God worked in supernatural ways to bring about healing that cannot even be adequately expressed here. A marriage was resurrected, lives were saved and love has grown beyond anything we could have imagined possible. We could have made the decision to put the kids in traditional school somewhere along the line. There certainly were many, many times when I thought that might be best but in the end we didn't. I look back through those years and the events that took place and how God had His mighty hand in it all and I am overwhelmed with gratitude and confidence that keeping them here at home, witnessing the miracles and experiencing their own healing and miracles was the right thing. If they had gone off every day and become involved in everything possible to avoid situations in our home they would not have witnessed or experienced these blessings. I thank God every day for His protection, mercy and grace. And for the gift of the right perspective.
So it should be no surprise really that when I opened the book referred to earlier and read the first few pages that my concerns and suspicions were solidly confirmed. It was like turning the light switch on in a darkened room that was very familiar yet obscured. I had enough knowledge to recognize where I was but couldn't see clearly enough to attempt moving into the room. With the light on I recognized things I didn't even know belonged in the room. That all probably sounds crazy so let me clarify. We have a child who I have suspected for a very long time might have very high functioning Asperger's Syndrome. The first pages of the book seemed to confirm my suspicions and even offered signs that I immediately recognized from our experience but had never recognized before because I refused to "turn on the light" - in other words, I had closed my eyes and refused to learn more. But this post isn't about Aspergers - it's about perspective. As I read through the pages and started down the path of regret and guilt for my negligence and denial something changed my focus. Anyone who interacts with this child would probably never suspect the possibility of Aspergers. It's only because of my close constant interaction that I ever suspected. But I quickly started seeing how the choices we have made in homeschooling and living have enabled this child to overcome and learn to compensate in areas as it became necessary - on their own. Without ever having a diagnosis or discussing the possibility, our circumstances, situations and decisions were such that I can look back and recognize where they had a direct impact - a positive impact. Having that perspective frees me from wasting time with regret and guilt and empowers me to start working on what I need to to get out of the way. God is at work and if I want to help I have to deal with my own shortcoming, specifically the issue of inconsistency - a vital component for people with Aspergers - really for anyone but especially for those with Aspergers. The gift of this perspective provides me the motivation to take action. The real first step I must take is asking God to remove the shortcoming but He will only do for me what I cannot do for myself. I won't sit on the roof of the house in the flood and let the helicopter and the boat that God sends me leave without me. I'll ask for the right perspective to recognize the help He sends me.
One of my favorite sayings is "It is what it is". Having the right perspective helps me see and accept things for what they really are. It helps me accept people and circumstances the way they are. I don't always get to understand - sometimes I have to just accept. Trusting that God will care for us always, even through our most difficult struggles, helps us not to obsess and try to understand everything right now but to allow time to reveal the truth. That brings peace, serenity. And don't we all long for that?
Grace and Peace,
Susan
It's not like me to go into a book store and hesitate to pick up a recommended book for any given subject piquing my interest/curiosity but for some reason I have stood in front of one section of the store several times (with the books in my arms) contemplating whether or not I want to take this information home with me where I would be forced to deal with my concerns. My trust in God's perfect timing and the knowledge that I surrender daily to Him gives me great consolation and prevents what would otherwise turn into regret and shame for my long delay. During a rare day of shopping alone ;-) I decided, on a whim more than anything, to drop into Barnes and Noble. I couldn't remember anything in particular on a list that I intended to pick up but it just settled on me that I should stop in (like I needed a reason, right!) and browse. It should be no surprise that I found myself standing in front of that section again. This time, however, there was zero hesitation and I didn't browse. I knew exactly which book I needed so I picked it up and added it to the small collection already in my arms and walked directly to the check-out. I didn't even open it up - just one more time - to double check the content.
I should back up a smidgen and share that I often struggle with regret over the way our homeschooling has played out in the past four years - that perspective mentioned earlier. My regret is in the area of academics specifically. As a homeschooling advocate and long time leader of several homeschooling support groups I have often experienced the stereotypical attitude that all homeschooling students excel in academics - often getting grade levels ahead - and have impressive experience in other areas of academics and activities that their traditional educated peers miss out on. I've also been witness to the attitude that homeschool families are immune to disfunction, divorce, addictions, rebellion, etc.... - a topic for an entirely different post and different time. Both attitudes are erroneous. It is true that some, perhaps even many, homeschool students do excel in many areas and get grade levels ahead but it's not a guarantee and that attitude can leave others who do not share that experience feeing like complete failures. I have been a victim of that attitude off and on for the duration of the past four years. That attitude and perspective are borne as the result of a characteristic that too closely defines my personality - inconsistent. There, I said it - wrote it. I. am. inconsistent. I don't want to be but until God removes that from me - I am. I have tried everything on my own to change, to be better, to "get it right". Lord knows I have been reminded enough to know that others know I'm inconsistent. We're always the last to know, right? Well, I may have been the last to know but that doesn't mean I haven't understood that for a very long time. It's a struggle I've fought and given into so many times that it really is old news. I digress...
Several years ago I was placed firmly on a path of "recovery". I have grown and learned so much during these past four years, more than the previous 44 years together you might say. One thing I have learned is that God can do what I cannot. God knows what I do not. God can be trusted. God loves those I love even more than I do or ever could. As faith and trust grow, the occasions that I have been able to see so clearly how God worked in situations and in people and hearts to bring about good simply leaves me amazed. The more I trust the more I have eyes to see and the more I see the more I trust. It is a beautiful perspective. But sometimes I lose it and have to work hard to gain it again. But it is all growth - the struggle grows me - it's fertile ground.
The struggle that I have had with regret about academics and our homeschooling experience this year has been some of that fertile ground. It took a long time but I finally did accept that although our academics suffered these past four years (the high school years for two of my kiddos) relationships were healed. God worked in supernatural ways to bring about healing that cannot even be adequately expressed here. A marriage was resurrected, lives were saved and love has grown beyond anything we could have imagined possible. We could have made the decision to put the kids in traditional school somewhere along the line. There certainly were many, many times when I thought that might be best but in the end we didn't. I look back through those years and the events that took place and how God had His mighty hand in it all and I am overwhelmed with gratitude and confidence that keeping them here at home, witnessing the miracles and experiencing their own healing and miracles was the right thing. If they had gone off every day and become involved in everything possible to avoid situations in our home they would not have witnessed or experienced these blessings. I thank God every day for His protection, mercy and grace. And for the gift of the right perspective.
So it should be no surprise really that when I opened the book referred to earlier and read the first few pages that my concerns and suspicions were solidly confirmed. It was like turning the light switch on in a darkened room that was very familiar yet obscured. I had enough knowledge to recognize where I was but couldn't see clearly enough to attempt moving into the room. With the light on I recognized things I didn't even know belonged in the room. That all probably sounds crazy so let me clarify. We have a child who I have suspected for a very long time might have very high functioning Asperger's Syndrome. The first pages of the book seemed to confirm my suspicions and even offered signs that I immediately recognized from our experience but had never recognized before because I refused to "turn on the light" - in other words, I had closed my eyes and refused to learn more. But this post isn't about Aspergers - it's about perspective. As I read through the pages and started down the path of regret and guilt for my negligence and denial something changed my focus. Anyone who interacts with this child would probably never suspect the possibility of Aspergers. It's only because of my close constant interaction that I ever suspected. But I quickly started seeing how the choices we have made in homeschooling and living have enabled this child to overcome and learn to compensate in areas as it became necessary - on their own. Without ever having a diagnosis or discussing the possibility, our circumstances, situations and decisions were such that I can look back and recognize where they had a direct impact - a positive impact. Having that perspective frees me from wasting time with regret and guilt and empowers me to start working on what I need to to get out of the way. God is at work and if I want to help I have to deal with my own shortcoming, specifically the issue of inconsistency - a vital component for people with Aspergers - really for anyone but especially for those with Aspergers. The gift of this perspective provides me the motivation to take action. The real first step I must take is asking God to remove the shortcoming but He will only do for me what I cannot do for myself. I won't sit on the roof of the house in the flood and let the helicopter and the boat that God sends me leave without me. I'll ask for the right perspective to recognize the help He sends me.
One of my favorite sayings is "It is what it is". Having the right perspective helps me see and accept things for what they really are. It helps me accept people and circumstances the way they are. I don't always get to understand - sometimes I have to just accept. Trusting that God will care for us always, even through our most difficult struggles, helps us not to obsess and try to understand everything right now but to allow time to reveal the truth. That brings peace, serenity. And don't we all long for that?
Grace and Peace,
Susan
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