Boundaries
We should all have them but many, perhaps even most, of us don't even understand what that means. I didn't, not until a few years ago. And even though I do have a pretty good understanding of them now I still don't always maintain healthy boundaries. I'm still a work-in-progress.
Boundaries is a pretty nifty term used to describe the way an emotionally and spiritually healthy person takes responsibility for their own behavior and attitudes and doesn't own the behavior, attitudes and emotions of others - that is my defiinition. This is what the inside flap of Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend says about boundaries:
Learning how to build and maintain healthy boundaries takes work for most of us. My personal experience leads me to believe that there is only a very small handful of people that I have known in my life that exercised healthy boundaries from early on without some type of catalyst that forced them to recognize and acknowledge their lack of boundaries and the harm it was causing in their life and relationships and then began the long journey of building and maintaining healthy/healthier boundaries. Those few people seem to have been raised in families that possessed healthy boundaries that were passed down to them by a living example. What a blessing it is to have such a "head-start" in life. Thankfully, for those of us who either didn't have that living example or somehow lost it along the way, it's never too late to start learning and practicing healthier boundaries!
I recommend getting your hands on these books (most are available at the library but purchasing them is a great idea because you'll want to make notes and highlight!).
There are many more!
I am learning to recognize the signs that I have allowed my boundaries to slip and then take the action necessary to repair them. In the beginning when I had no boundaries at all it was very apparent to those around me that "something" was very different. At first, some really didn't like it and that is very common. But as I have progressed in this area it has benefited my relationships in many ways, including being a good example to my children. I realize, however, that it must be a continuous and intentional process to guard and maintain the progress I have made.
If you find yourself curious about this thing called boundaries - I encourage you to explore it and do some personal reflection to see if perhaps your boundaries need some work. It will bless you and those you love!
Grace and peace,
Susan
Boundaries is a pretty nifty term used to describe the way an emotionally and spiritually healthy person takes responsibility for their own behavior and attitudes and doesn't own the behavior, attitudes and emotions of others - that is my defiinition. This is what the inside flap of Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend says about boundaries:
"Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not.
Boundaries impact all areas of our lives:
- Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances.
- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions.
- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others.
- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator.
Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask:
- Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
- What are legitimate boundaries?
- What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
- How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?
- Aren't boundaries selfish?
_______________________________________________________________________________
- Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?"
Learning how to build and maintain healthy boundaries takes work for most of us. My personal experience leads me to believe that there is only a very small handful of people that I have known in my life that exercised healthy boundaries from early on without some type of catalyst that forced them to recognize and acknowledge their lack of boundaries and the harm it was causing in their life and relationships and then began the long journey of building and maintaining healthy/healthier boundaries. Those few people seem to have been raised in families that possessed healthy boundaries that were passed down to them by a living example. What a blessing it is to have such a "head-start" in life. Thankfully, for those of us who either didn't have that living example or somehow lost it along the way, it's never too late to start learning and practicing healthier boundaries!
I recommend getting your hands on these books (most are available at the library but purchasing them is a great idea because you'll want to make notes and highlight!).
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
- Is your life out of control?
- Do people take advantage of you?
- Do you have trouble saying no?
- Are you disappointed with God because of unanswered prayers?
Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
- Why Boundaries are so important for a thriving productive marriage.
- How values form the structure of a marriage
- How to protect a marriage from intruders, whether parents, other people, affairs, or personal idols.
- Why each partner needs to establish personal boundaries and how to go about it.
- How to work with a spouse who understands values and boundaries and how to work with one who doesn't.
Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
- Sins You Can Live with - recognizing and choosing quality over "perfection" in a dating partner.
- Don't Fall in Love with Someone You Wouldn't be Friends With. - How to ensure that honest friendship in one vital component in a relationship.
- Don't screw up a Friendship out of Loneliness.- Preserving friendships by separating between platonic relationships and romantic interest.
- Kiss False Hope Good-Bye - Moving past denial to deal with real relational problems;in a realistic and hopeful way.
Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
- ownership of their lives
- discipline and self-control
- respect for others
- love and freedom
Boundaries with Teens by Dr. John Townsend
- deal with disrespectful attitudes and impossible behavior in your teen
- set healthy limits and realistic consequences
- be loving and caring while establishing rules
- determine specific strategies to deal with problems both big and small
There are many more!
I am learning to recognize the signs that I have allowed my boundaries to slip and then take the action necessary to repair them. In the beginning when I had no boundaries at all it was very apparent to those around me that "something" was very different. At first, some really didn't like it and that is very common. But as I have progressed in this area it has benefited my relationships in many ways, including being a good example to my children. I realize, however, that it must be a continuous and intentional process to guard and maintain the progress I have made.
If you find yourself curious about this thing called boundaries - I encourage you to explore it and do some personal reflection to see if perhaps your boundaries need some work. It will bless you and those you love!
Grace and peace,
Susan
Comments
Post a Comment