What's in my tool box?
Yesterday I mentioned tools. Did that make you ask, what tools is she talking about that help her keep personal boundaries? I'm so glad you asked.
You might have noticed that I have some resources (and some past posts) about recovery. If you are not familiar with 12 Step programs you might not have recognized the resources. At some point I struggled with whether or not I could or should write about my family's experience with recovery. Anonymity is a very important part of what we affectionately refer to simply as "program". In fact, it's so important that it is part of the Traditions read at the beginning of every single meeting: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities. But my experience with program and what it has done in my life drives me to want to share with others whenever an opportunity presents itself. Since this is my blog and my stories, how could it not be part of what I write here?
Back to the tool box. Among the many things I learned in program was how I had become a fisherman-of-emotions. Somewhere along the line I had really lost myself and how I "felt" about anything. Oh I had plenty of feelings - don't feel bad for me :-) - they were just rarely my own. I had learned to take the emotional temperature of a room, a house, neighborhood, community, state, etc... - and make it my own. Then like a true fisherman I cast my line and allowed the hook to dangle for whatever emotion would bite. I rarely drew my line back in without something heavy on the hook. I caught whatever mood and attitude was floating or drifting about. I often used heavy duty hooks (sometimes even quad hooks) and once it was on the line it didn't come off until I removed it. And if you know anything about fishing and hooks, you probably know how helpful a good tool is to remove them. One of the first things I learned from program was how that kind of fishing was destroying me, and I got a whole set of tools to learn how to get hooks out and then I learned how to be a different kind of fisherman.
You might have noticed that I have some resources (and some past posts) about recovery. If you are not familiar with 12 Step programs you might not have recognized the resources. At some point I struggled with whether or not I could or should write about my family's experience with recovery. Anonymity is a very important part of what we affectionately refer to simply as "program". In fact, it's so important that it is part of the Traditions read at the beginning of every single meeting: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities. But my experience with program and what it has done in my life drives me to want to share with others whenever an opportunity presents itself. Since this is my blog and my stories, how could it not be part of what I write here?
Back to the tool box. Among the many things I learned in program was how I had become a fisherman-of-emotions. Somewhere along the line I had really lost myself and how I "felt" about anything. Oh I had plenty of feelings - don't feel bad for me :-) - they were just rarely my own. I had learned to take the emotional temperature of a room, a house, neighborhood, community, state, etc... - and make it my own. Then like a true fisherman I cast my line and allowed the hook to dangle for whatever emotion would bite. I rarely drew my line back in without something heavy on the hook. I caught whatever mood and attitude was floating or drifting about. I often used heavy duty hooks (sometimes even quad hooks) and once it was on the line it didn't come off until I removed it. And if you know anything about fishing and hooks, you probably know how helpful a good tool is to remove them. One of the first things I learned from program was how that kind of fishing was destroying me, and I got a whole set of tools to learn how to get hooks out and then I learned how to be a different kind of fisherman.
Boundaries is the first tool.
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