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This is going to sound crazy, but it won’t matter because I’ll be the only one that ever reads it most likely.  (Besides maybe Sarah). I’m a writer, so I need to write.  What’s crazy about that you might ask? And I would answer, because I don’t really know what it is I need or have to say. There’s stuff in there all the time that I think - hey, I ought to write that, it would make a great blog post.  But it doesn’t seem to happen very often.

Sunday we heard (not the first time, of course) to keep in mind, “God is working in the waiting”. And I know He is.  He always is.  So that got me to thinking, several things actually - the whole Sarah and Brad packing up and moving to Florida thing has a purpose.  It wasn’t a mistake.  Sarah got it right when she believed that God cleared the path for them to go.  I also think that all that has happened on the journey has a purpose.  It might seem that the purpose is becoming clear - a greater appreciation from the entire family for each other and the support that we have to offer one another - but I’m not certain that is the whole picture.  I feel like it is still a work-in-progress. I’m keeping my ears open, listening for anything God might whisper my way.

It also got me to thinking about the whole writing thing.  There are so many other things that come up that take precedence - things that truly need to be done in my attempt to live my motto - Love Well, Live Well. Somehow, when things get in the slightest bit busy, writing is always the thing that gets put on the back burner, and I think it is because I truly don’t know what to write OR who to write it for.  The audience thing.  It’s still a mystery to me who would want to read what I write?  What would I write that needs to be heard, or is entertaining in the least? What is the purpose of the writing?

I’m getting older and I’m definitely noticing some changes happening both physically and mentally.  My interests are being sifted, leaving fewer and fewer behind as my energy wanes.  I want to focus what time and energy I have on the things that really matter. It’s no surprise it’s actually not things, but people, that I want to invest in most. I’m growing.  It might be in fits and spurts, but I am growing, spiritually and mentally.  My health is also a work-in-progress. I lost weight, I gained weight. I’m going to lose weight again and this time I’m going to lose more than I gained back, and by doing do I will most likely achieve some goals in the five steps forward, three steps back method. But what I will no do is give up.   Finding a way to accomplish this without obsessing is a project all of its own.  Indulge me while I ramble a bit about a picture I have in my mind...

We each have our own experiences that we can draw from, and some of mine include sobriety using twelve step programs, and personal attempts at spiritual growth in my Christian walk. It now also includes striving to get to a healthy weight and maintain it for life.  We live in a culture that has very strong and strange views about what healthy body weight means, and it’s altogether too easy to get caught up in the current of those views.  On the one hand, our society tells us our value is not determined by our weight, our pants size or how we look.  On the other, we elevate people, particularly women, who have super slim bodies. I’m not sure where this was going - I kind of lost my train of thought.  Not a rare occurrence these days, just sayin.  (Note - I remembered kind of... - if it’s true that our weight doesn’t define our value - which I believe is true by-the-way - why bother trying to maintain weight?  Why not just eat what we want, do what we want or not and let the scale go where it will? What is the right and good motivation to be intentional about managing one’s weight? There, that’s what I was trying to get to...) The bottom line I was trying to get around to is this.  While I mentally wrestle with the principal of how and why to even care about my weight, I take this thought as a tool I want to use - the whole process of doing this weight management thing is a bit like staying sober or exercising our Christian liberty.  I don’t want to manage my weight the way I do because I feel like I have to, I want to do it because I get to.  Addicts in recovery don’t have to abstain, they do because they get to.  Mature Christians don’t perform good works because they have to, they do them because they get to.  Making sense?  Getting the connection?  Maybe not.  I probably need to work on it a little, it needs tweaking.  But that would be the reason this will only be for my eyes :-).

I’m a writer. I need to write. I need to practice writing. The best athletes, artists, professionals - they all have to practice to be good at what they do, even when it is something they are meant to do.  If I ever hope to write anything worthwhile, I must practice

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