Daybook

Lesterville, MO July 16, 2022

Giving thanks - that our daughter was like a pit bull, sinking her teeth into making John and me go to the river where her husband’s family owns a little piece of property right on the bank. It’s a river where a lot of float trips take place. We’d gone on one of those the year prior and it was not a banner experience. But she insisted we would enjoy the way their family did things, just hanging out on their little piece of heaven on earth, playing, and spending time together. She wanted very much to redeem the river’s reputation. 

So less than two weeks ago we packed a few things and off we went to follow them for the two-hour drive south. We did, indeed, enjoy our time on the river, in the sunshine, with the family we have come to call friends. It was a perfect day. We didn’t know it would be the last time we saw our friend, who died suddenly this past Monday. Amidst the shattered hearts and tears of profound grief, we are also incredibly thankful that God saw to it that we spent that time with him, that we were privileged to see him in what I am confident was his favorite place on earth. He was the happiest man I think I have ever known. I don’t recall ever seeing him in person or in a photo when he wasn’t smiling ear-to-ear. He loved his family with such gusto. I am grateful to have called him friend and family. 

Outside my window - we had record rainfall earlier this week. I will remember it as Heaven raining tears for us. Today, the sun is shining again. It feels wrong, and it feels right all at the same time.

Clothing myself in - whatever I could find available in my closet when I woke up at 8:00. Black yoga(ish) pants and forest green tank top. The ponytail is getting old. The next haircut may be shorter than it has been in a while.

In the kitchen - Meal Train foods are being prepared, along with our own family meals. Enchiladas are apparently a real favorite of those who have had them before. That makes me happy. People who know me know my love language is food. There is very little one can do to comfort those who have suffered such loss, but feeding them is one small, practical thing that can be done. Prayer and food. That’s it. 

Writing - I cannot not write. I might not be writing much these days, and certainly not much that matters. But I’m starting to really grasp how important these words might be to my family one day. I’ve actually considered changing the settings to invite only so that I can be a little more open with details. For now, I realized I can still write those posts and leave them in drafts until a later date. My girls will know how to access them if and when the time comes. I know how much it would mean to me to have writings from my own father, John’s parents, and all those who have come before. Stories matter, and we have lost so much because people have let go of the art of storytelling. Having things written down helps keep the stories accurate. Oh, how I wish I had those stories in writing.

Reading - I am thinking about how I can create a reading corner in the living room. I want to be with the family in the evenings, but I’d rather be reading than watching tv (as I’m sure you’re tired of reading). There are times when I really enjoy movies and good series - just like anyone else. But the books would be so much better.

Watching - we finished All American and last night we started The Terminal List. It’s a Prime Video original and only has eight episodes. I actually kind of like that because I don’t feel like we are committed for weeks :-)

Listening - I’ve started listening to Out of the Ordinary again, and I remember why I enjoy podcasts so much. I think I will be spending more time in the car to and from walks, and in the basement working with fabric in the coming months. I will be listening more to music, podcasts, and books on audio.

New song - The only song that comes to mind is one that the family indicated was a favorite of their dad’s. Till you can’t by Cody Johnson

Making - English muffins. I suppose that could go in the Kitchen category but it’s what I’m making for now. I hope to get some yogurt and granola made also.

Camp - Still undecided about the lots. Leaning toward keeping them at the moment. I’d like to find a way to pay for the annual dues myself. I haven’t actually had a source of income myself since I was 25 years old. I’d like to know that I can if I really need and want to. 

The week ahead - from the last daybook post  ****BLACKOUT DATES there is so much on the list of to-dos during this blackout period… I kind of need to think about a list, maybe. :-)***

Note to self. STOP THINKING THAT YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER ANYTHING. You don’t. You simply do not. Not one iota of control. Put the planner aside. Stop making long lists. Stop thinking that you know what lies ahead. Stop making everything today about tomorrow. It is wasting valuable time.

Just love people. Love God and love people.