Oh October, I’ve been waiting for you
I completed my morning readings - the Bible, the plan I chose on the Bible app, Language of Letting Go (both of them), and did a little Morning Page style writing on the other blog. I’m not planning to walk today because I have company coming later this morning - probably around lunch time, and bible study tonight so there is cooking to be done. I won’t have time for all that if I take the hour plus to go walk. Oh and btw, I have to be home to get Rachel to her class. That’s beginning to get a little annoying. I don’t mind transporting her when I have nothing else I’d like to do, but, for instance, this Friday I would have liked to maybe go to St Louis for an artist’s date. I wouldn’t be able to do that unless we/she arranged for a ride home from class. I guess that would be possible. It doesn’t matter anyway for this week, because Christina will be here and we have decided the Abbey for some serious writing time would be good. I need some of that time...
I totally digresssssss....
Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.
It has usually been helpful to me if I am able to name what I am feeling. The only pain I am experiencing is the physical aches I believe are due mostly to gaining weight back. My feet are not in too bad of shape, my hips on the other hand are giving me some challenges. I don’t usually let it slow me down, but I definitely have slowed down. Part of it I do believe is just age, I’ve finally crossed over a threshold that finds me with less energy and enthusiasm than I’ve enjoyed in previous years. But I think the real culprit driving my sour moods is my level of frustration.
My perspective in regards to the house have changed drastically, and I am always so very grateful for unanswered prayers. I’m filled with gratitude for a God who knows what is best for me and refuses to give in to my whining and give me less than the best. We would be living on a big ol’ plot of land that no one could tend to and probably with a huge mortgage that would be holding us captive from the things we really want to do, and looking to sell it. Or, we would be in another house somewhere realizing that the grass isn’t usually greener on the other side and still be saddled with a massive mortgage. No thank you very much. I still dont’ know exactly what God has planned in the area of our living arrangement; maybe stay here or maybe not. We won’t know until we know. But for now, I do know that we are called to make the very best of what we have. And I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m a bit relieved by it. I can embrace the basics, I’ve always found a certain extra joy in getting back to the basics of homemaking and family. This time, however, the basics seem to be alluding me. And that is the source of my frustration I believe.
I get in my head and go round and round in this vicious cycle of thinking - and I can’t seem to get off the merry-go-round. I’m absolutely willing to ask for help at this point. But I’m not even sure what kind of help will be most helpful - see what I did there. LOL
So, it’s later in the day now and I’ve come back to finish up this post. It was, indeed, a good day. By he end of the day after we’d said good-bye to our friends and prep started for bible study, my body was in pain and I was very tired, exhausted to be honest. I realized that I should not plan to have this kind of day again. If we are meeting up with friends it will have to be on a different day than bible study, or we need to meet out so I am not on my feet preparing food. Now if you know me, you know I’m not complaining about the issue of preparing food. I love to cook and love people through their tummies - remember, it’s my love language. What I am saying is I asked God to show me the lesson, and He most certainly did. I am 20 days away from 54 years old. I have truly crossed that threshold I spoke of earlier. I can still do things I enjoy; I will have to learn new rhythms so I protect my health and well being. For example, I’m not saying I cannot prepare said meal at home for friends. I’m saying I shouldn’t do both two gatherings in a single day. Break up the work a bit and pace myself.
I remember how I enjoyed and benefited so much from working through the 4th step of Al-anon. I learned so much about myself; I learned to really love and accept myself for who I really am. I leaned to be honest about who I am, especially with myself. It was freeing - liberating. I think looking deeper into how I can created a new rhythm for this new season could have the same affect.
Tomorrow is my ‘off’ day. I hope to sit in a favorite local coffee shop and do some work, some writing. Then it’s off to pick pumpkins with my precious family, and home to a back yard fire. The weather is perfect for it all!
Happy October, Happy Fall!!
So, it’s later in the day now and I’ve come back to finish up this post. It was, indeed, a good day. By he end of the day after we’d said good-bye to our friends and prep started for bible study, my body was in pain and I was very tired, exhausted to be honest. I realized that I should not plan to have this kind of day again. If we are meeting up with friends it will have to be on a different day than bible study, or we need to meet out so I am not on my feet preparing food. Now if you know me, you know I’m not complaining about the issue of preparing food. I love to cook and love people through their tummies - remember, it’s my love language. What I am saying is I asked God to show me the lesson, and He most certainly did. I am 20 days away from 54 years old. I have truly crossed that threshold I spoke of earlier. I can still do things I enjoy; I will have to learn new rhythms so I protect my health and well being. For example, I’m not saying I cannot prepare said meal at home for friends. I’m saying I shouldn’t do both two gatherings in a single day. Break up the work a bit and pace myself.
I remember how I enjoyed and benefited so much from working through the 4th step of Al-anon. I learned so much about myself; I learned to really love and accept myself for who I really am. I leaned to be honest about who I am, especially with myself. It was freeing - liberating. I think looking deeper into how I can created a new rhythm for this new season could have the same affect.
Tomorrow is my ‘off’ day. I hope to sit in a favorite local coffee shop and do some work, some writing. Then it’s off to pick pumpkins with my precious family, and home to a back yard fire. The weather is perfect for it all!
Happy October, Happy Fall!!
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