So much to say and so little time to say it...
I will get back to this blog and soon. Today I have an important phone date with a friend :-). But first there is watering of the garden to be done and some work in the basement. Actually, the work in the basement could take several days but it is such a far cry from where it was last year and the year before and the year before. I have found myself thanking God and John frequently for the wonderful gift of our finished basement. It is such a blessing to have a clean, well-lit, comfortable and perfectly created place to call our school room. Because of this, I feel like I am 100 steps in front of where I have been in prior years in my preparations for the next school year. I can focus on the planning and more important aspects of that planning than on how to make something what it is not (an unfinished basement a pleasant place to work and play).
After reading Robin's blog this morning, I decided to add my own thoughts (complaints) of the morning. My dear husband, who has many, many wonderful traits, cannot give a compliment to save his life. I have made a conscious decision to overlook this flaw for several reasons. One would be because I know we all have flaws and I am ever so grateful that he overlooks mine (most of the time). More importantly it is because I believe it could only lead to trouble if I dwell on it and most certainly it will ruin my day, week and possibly month if I allow it to reduce me to the pitiful woman I could become :-)
Yesterday was a good productive day. I accomplished tasks that have been waiting, waiting, waiting and they were the kind of tasks that call to you because they remind you everyday that it just looks bad. Our deck and front porch have looked very uninviting for weeks because of things that needed to be done. Well, yesterday they got done. I cleaned and put away large items (poles left from the canopy we were going to put up and changed our minds about) that were a hassle of large proportion. I dumped bleach water that had been sitting for a week or two (mind you, I had to carry the large, heavy tote down the stairs of the deck to a safe location in the far back to dump the water that still had broken remnants of sand dollars in it), put away miscellaneous items that should never have been outside in the first place, hauled trash to the garbage cans and shined his grill! Then I washed the glass table and hosed the whole enchilada down. Then it was to the front porch to pull the invading milk weed vine that wants to take over the entire house! I weeded, pulled, swept, watered, re-planted and, again, put away shoes, toys, socks, boots - things that others should have put away themselves. This was all after I dressed in long sleeves and gloves so I could cut the left over, damaged piece of insulated wall to fit into the trash cans - in about 85 degree weather.
That was before noon along with all the other regular duties. After noon I took Rachel to pick up vacuum cleaner bags, clothes from the cleaners, several items from Wal-mart that was on the growing list on the frig and the mall! to build-a-bear (okay, the mall is difficult for me but build-a-bear and the pleasure it gives me seeing Rachel beem over a new friend isn't difficult at all). Did I mention the repeated phone calls I am having to make and take to get things moving with my van repairs???
As I walked in the door, literally, the phone rang and it was dh asking what was for dinner because he was STARVING and we had to turn around and leave again in 30 minutes for an appointment...
He left this morning without a single word about the work I completed yesterday. He left for work after I attempted to prepare him French Banana Crepes. He didn't like them... but he would have eaten them anyway had I not seen the look on his face and took the plate, forcefully, from him and replaced it with a bowl of cereal. Did I mention that my kids LOVE my crepes and beg for them often? Did I mention that when I tried to make my own crepe that it fell flat on the floor, seriously?
This is the epiphany I experienced this morning. He is his father's son. Somewhere along the way this wonderful, generous man either lost or never had the ability to give compliments or praise - it just isn't in him. He sets his standards so high that I seriously doubt that any human being could ever rise to meet them. He is so incredibly talented and can do almost anything. He is a jack-of-many-trades, honestly. Just ask his family, my family, our friends. He can fix cars, washing machines, computers, nearly anything that has moving parts. He will be the first to tell you that he is not an intellectual - he is a simple man and is very practical and tells it like it is, to anyone and everyone. He doesn't read instructions, he looks something over real well and just knows what needs to be done. I think he is brilliant. He looks really good in a suit, too! But the man is impossible to please, even for his wife of 24 years. I can't imagine being his kid. The pain of knowing you will never meet his expectations no matter how hard you try is almost unbearable. I now understand a few things more clearly than before this day. I understand why I volunteer to do the things I know in my heart I am good at - I need that edification. I understand why I always try to catch the kids doing good rather than harping on them doing poorly. I am affectionate and encouraging and forgiving - perhaps more than most because I have to make up for the lack of these things in him. It takes a lot to believe in yourself when the ones you love don't let you know that they believe in you. Confidence in your own abilities and gifts and the words of encouragement and praise from good friends becomes vital. Compliments and possitive feedback from the beneficiaries of your hard work and good intentions/ideas are food for your self-esteem.
I write this not to beat him down. I love this man and I know in my soul that he loves me and he loves our children. He would give his own life for each of us without hesitation. He has worked his entire life to provide for our needs and for our wants. He keeps going even when it empties him of all he has.
With this renewed understanding, I will move ahead knowing that God makes each of us different for reasons of His own. I will just have to stop looking for praise from dh to lift me up and search my actions more deeply to see if they are pleasing to God. If my actions are pleasing to Him then I know that I am doing well. I will pray that I can somehow help my children understand this also and rest in the knowledge that pleasing God, our Father, is the ultimate goal and He is generous in love, encouragement, mercy and forgiveness. Evidence of heavenly affection is abundant if we look with the eyes of our heart.
After reading Robin's blog this morning, I decided to add my own thoughts (complaints) of the morning. My dear husband, who has many, many wonderful traits, cannot give a compliment to save his life. I have made a conscious decision to overlook this flaw for several reasons. One would be because I know we all have flaws and I am ever so grateful that he overlooks mine (most of the time). More importantly it is because I believe it could only lead to trouble if I dwell on it and most certainly it will ruin my day, week and possibly month if I allow it to reduce me to the pitiful woman I could become :-)
Yesterday was a good productive day. I accomplished tasks that have been waiting, waiting, waiting and they were the kind of tasks that call to you because they remind you everyday that it just looks bad. Our deck and front porch have looked very uninviting for weeks because of things that needed to be done. Well, yesterday they got done. I cleaned and put away large items (poles left from the canopy we were going to put up and changed our minds about) that were a hassle of large proportion. I dumped bleach water that had been sitting for a week or two (mind you, I had to carry the large, heavy tote down the stairs of the deck to a safe location in the far back to dump the water that still had broken remnants of sand dollars in it), put away miscellaneous items that should never have been outside in the first place, hauled trash to the garbage cans and shined his grill! Then I washed the glass table and hosed the whole enchilada down. Then it was to the front porch to pull the invading milk weed vine that wants to take over the entire house! I weeded, pulled, swept, watered, re-planted and, again, put away shoes, toys, socks, boots - things that others should have put away themselves. This was all after I dressed in long sleeves and gloves so I could cut the left over, damaged piece of insulated wall to fit into the trash cans - in about 85 degree weather.
That was before noon along with all the other regular duties. After noon I took Rachel to pick up vacuum cleaner bags, clothes from the cleaners, several items from Wal-mart that was on the growing list on the frig and the mall! to build-a-bear (okay, the mall is difficult for me but build-a-bear and the pleasure it gives me seeing Rachel beem over a new friend isn't difficult at all). Did I mention the repeated phone calls I am having to make and take to get things moving with my van repairs???
As I walked in the door, literally, the phone rang and it was dh asking what was for dinner because he was STARVING and we had to turn around and leave again in 30 minutes for an appointment...
He left this morning without a single word about the work I completed yesterday. He left for work after I attempted to prepare him French Banana Crepes. He didn't like them... but he would have eaten them anyway had I not seen the look on his face and took the plate, forcefully, from him and replaced it with a bowl of cereal. Did I mention that my kids LOVE my crepes and beg for them often? Did I mention that when I tried to make my own crepe that it fell flat on the floor, seriously?
This is the epiphany I experienced this morning. He is his father's son. Somewhere along the way this wonderful, generous man either lost or never had the ability to give compliments or praise - it just isn't in him. He sets his standards so high that I seriously doubt that any human being could ever rise to meet them. He is so incredibly talented and can do almost anything. He is a jack-of-many-trades, honestly. Just ask his family, my family, our friends. He can fix cars, washing machines, computers, nearly anything that has moving parts. He will be the first to tell you that he is not an intellectual - he is a simple man and is very practical and tells it like it is, to anyone and everyone. He doesn't read instructions, he looks something over real well and just knows what needs to be done. I think he is brilliant. He looks really good in a suit, too! But the man is impossible to please, even for his wife of 24 years. I can't imagine being his kid. The pain of knowing you will never meet his expectations no matter how hard you try is almost unbearable. I now understand a few things more clearly than before this day. I understand why I volunteer to do the things I know in my heart I am good at - I need that edification. I understand why I always try to catch the kids doing good rather than harping on them doing poorly. I am affectionate and encouraging and forgiving - perhaps more than most because I have to make up for the lack of these things in him. It takes a lot to believe in yourself when the ones you love don't let you know that they believe in you. Confidence in your own abilities and gifts and the words of encouragement and praise from good friends becomes vital. Compliments and possitive feedback from the beneficiaries of your hard work and good intentions/ideas are food for your self-esteem.
I write this not to beat him down. I love this man and I know in my soul that he loves me and he loves our children. He would give his own life for each of us without hesitation. He has worked his entire life to provide for our needs and for our wants. He keeps going even when it empties him of all he has.
With this renewed understanding, I will move ahead knowing that God makes each of us different for reasons of His own. I will just have to stop looking for praise from dh to lift me up and search my actions more deeply to see if they are pleasing to God. If my actions are pleasing to Him then I know that I am doing well. I will pray that I can somehow help my children understand this also and rest in the knowledge that pleasing God, our Father, is the ultimate goal and He is generous in love, encouragement, mercy and forgiveness. Evidence of heavenly affection is abundant if we look with the eyes of our heart.
Nice post!
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