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One step - in the right direction

Every day when I wake up the first thing on my mind is, what can I get done today and what is left over from yesterday, lingering to give me either a good start to my day or leave it a bit murky from stuff I regret or resent?

On good days, I usually am able to leave behind whatever happened the day(s) before, but it takes some purposeful mental leading to do so. I need tools that help train my brain to do that. I found those tools when I was active in a twelve step program. I am no longer (and haven’t been) active in the program for a long time now, but the things that I learned while I was active changed my life forever and the lives of our family.

I have come to believe that the principles of twelve step programs and the tools we learn to use for our recovery and continued health are beneficial for anyone. From the single, top executive living in the city, traveling the world, managing billion dollar budgets, and owning basically anything they want, to the married housewife with one-to-twenty kids, living on a farm in the Midwest. Life shows no partiality when it comes to trouble and sorrow. Things still happen, we all are hurt by others and we hurt others too. We make bad choices that land us in a place we don’t really want to be and never imagined would be. Sometimes we’re like the proverbial frog in boiling water; we don’t even notice where we are until it’s too late. If you’re still breathing, there’s still time to change. There is hope.

The first idea in the twelve steps is admitting that we are powerless over something(s) or someone. For addicts, it’s the fix of their choice be it alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, pornography. For those who don’t readily recognize a particular addiction, perhaps it would be easier to just say “powerless over ____________ (fill in the blank; the weather, traffic, history, time, the future, other people’s mood and choices, the economy, politics, world peace, the nature of my family). It is often easier to decide what we do have power over, and that usually means our own choices, our behavior, our attitude, how we will or won’t contribute to any given situation. That power lies singly with us, and we are ultimately responsible for the way we use, abuse, or neglect that power.

There are few things that I dislike more than living with the heavy burden of regret. Regret about words I speak, actions I take or the lack there of, money I spend, forgiveness I don’t ask for or extend. When we operate within the perimeters of where we do have power and make wise decisions, there is a certain freedom we experience. Letting go of anything outside of the perimeter is liberating; it’s honestly such a relief and breath of fresh air to know we are not responsible for things that we have no power over. It may be as simple as accepting that the weather may prevent the plans we had, and somehow seek the advantage that may be hidden in the change. It could be as challenging as accepting that the person who promised to love, honor and cherish us till death do us part is less than perfect in any given area, and taking responsibility for our own happiness. Allow them to be who they are, and start allowing ourselves to be who we genuinely are and loving both of us.

I know, that seems like a pretty simple solution to some pretty serious issues that need to be worked out and not just swept under the proverbial rug. I’m not suggesting that it’s easy, I’m just suggesting that it’s possible with the right attitude and tools.

So, Step One: Admitted that we were powerless over ________________. Get a notebook, maybe make it a nice one, something you’ll enjoy keeping and using. Start today and make a list of the things you are powerless over. If you’re being honest, the list will be extensive. Start looking and recognizing things you are powerless over throughout your day. It’s amazing that we usually find what we look for, so have some fun looking for those things you no longer have to feel responsible for, because you simply have no power over them.



Peace,

Susan

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