Unexpected
Last night, out of no where, Rachel came into our room and started asking me questions about our three babies miscarried. Wow. Didn’t see that coming - at all. But it was actually good for me. I don’t think about them much, but that’s not to say they are not always part of our family. It took time, tears and some of the deepest sorrow I’ve ever experienced to emotionally and mentally secure their places in our family story. There is a story to be written there - but probably not today. I just wanted to jot some notes about what it felt like to share that with Rachel, and how it felt to actually, finally speak out loud the guilt I carried that prompted me to write the story. I’m not sure I have shared that with my kids. Maybe Sarah. Not sure.
On another note - today is the first day of Rachel’s “Summer Break”. But even more, it’s the first day of a brand new season for this mama. Rachel won’t be going to traditional school next year. She has more credits than she needs to graduate high school by the state guidelines, and needs only two classes to fulfill per specified requirements; math that includes geometry (which one of her classes actually did so this may even be a mute point) and civics class (which I am convinced I can do a better job of teaching her with some good, trustworthy help. Our experience is that even those very strong in math ALWAYS test into the 90s level math at SWIC and kind of waste a semester or more completing those pre-college level courses before even being allowed to enroll in the basic 101 math courses. So we’re short-cutting what we anticipate would be and getting the pre-college math out of the way, and accomplishing two things by doing so 1) it fulfills the high school graduation math requirements 2) gets those remedial out of the way during her high school senior year so she can move right into the college math in her first semester after graduation! Seems like a win-win situation to me, and add to that we won’t be paying a whopping $5000 tuition for FBA so she can take more classes than she actually needs. Most of her year would probably be electives which I plan to completely blow out of the water with an intense year of life skills lessons and experiences. Real life is the best teacher for these things, and we’ll do it side-by-side and she will feel so much more confident moving ahead as a young adult.
There are so many things that I normally do that have been sorely neglected these past weeks/months. Having Mandie and Sawyer here with us while Dakota is gone has been a very good arrangement. It has been difficult only in the sense that there is more STUFF again LOL I know it can’t really be easy for her either. She is crammed into a single bedroom and has all of us to work around for her living space. Having a baby and doing it without daddy around is really freaking hard. I’m glad she is here, and I’ll miss having them here when they are not. God willing, all these babies of mine and their babies too will live in a sweet, cooperative cluster in the next year or so!!! What a great idea. The land and compound may not come to fruition, but whatever God has planned is better, so much better. I need to trust in that more. I’ve let my mind get in control and have been obsessing about the future and things I WANT. I’ve forgotten a few things along the way. But God never forgets, and never gets distracted or drawn away by other needs. He can take are of it all without skipping so much as a heartbeat. ❤️ He loves me, He loves us. Remember that!
I might try doing some brainstorming and zoning today. Have so many things swirling in my mind, thought it might be good to get them out of my mind and onto a sheet of paper. It helps sometimes.
Miss the Mastermind work - I’m not letting that go. Just pushed the pause button for a moment. Or two. LOL
On another note - today is the first day of Rachel’s “Summer Break”. But even more, it’s the first day of a brand new season for this mama. Rachel won’t be going to traditional school next year. She has more credits than she needs to graduate high school by the state guidelines, and needs only two classes to fulfill per specified requirements; math that includes geometry (which one of her classes actually did so this may even be a mute point) and civics class (which I am convinced I can do a better job of teaching her with some good, trustworthy help. Our experience is that even those very strong in math ALWAYS test into the 90s level math at SWIC and kind of waste a semester or more completing those pre-college level courses before even being allowed to enroll in the basic 101 math courses. So we’re short-cutting what we anticipate would be and getting the pre-college math out of the way, and accomplishing two things by doing so 1) it fulfills the high school graduation math requirements 2) gets those remedial out of the way during her high school senior year so she can move right into the college math in her first semester after graduation! Seems like a win-win situation to me, and add to that we won’t be paying a whopping $5000 tuition for FBA so she can take more classes than she actually needs. Most of her year would probably be electives which I plan to completely blow out of the water with an intense year of life skills lessons and experiences. Real life is the best teacher for these things, and we’ll do it side-by-side and she will feel so much more confident moving ahead as a young adult.
There are so many things that I normally do that have been sorely neglected these past weeks/months. Having Mandie and Sawyer here with us while Dakota is gone has been a very good arrangement. It has been difficult only in the sense that there is more STUFF again LOL I know it can’t really be easy for her either. She is crammed into a single bedroom and has all of us to work around for her living space. Having a baby and doing it without daddy around is really freaking hard. I’m glad she is here, and I’ll miss having them here when they are not. God willing, all these babies of mine and their babies too will live in a sweet, cooperative cluster in the next year or so!!! What a great idea. The land and compound may not come to fruition, but whatever God has planned is better, so much better. I need to trust in that more. I’ve let my mind get in control and have been obsessing about the future and things I WANT. I’ve forgotten a few things along the way. But God never forgets, and never gets distracted or drawn away by other needs. He can take are of it all without skipping so much as a heartbeat. ❤️ He loves me, He loves us. Remember that!
I might try doing some brainstorming and zoning today. Have so many things swirling in my mind, thought it might be good to get them out of my mind and onto a sheet of paper. It helps sometimes.
Miss the Mastermind work - I’m not letting that go. Just pushed the pause button for a moment. Or two. LOL
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