Incessant...
My answer to a friend's question:
John and I have pretty much raised two children and, still, we struggle with being consistent holding the ones at home to reasonable standards for their responsibilities. One of us reminds them every day, many times a day every single thing they are supposed to do or it simply doesn't get done - we have done it for all our parental years. We have allowed it so we created our own monster, so to speak, but we have to change it because neither of us likes the results. The most obvious is that we're both too exhausted mentally and physically to do it ourselves, go behind them and correct it when it isn't done right (and I'm not a perfectionist) and too frustrated and distracted to continue reminding them incessantly: :-)
continuing without interruption; ceaseless; unending: an incessant noise.
—Synonyms unceasing, constant, continuous, never-ending, perpetual; eternal, everlasting; relentless, unrelenting, unremitting.
—Antonyms intermittent.
Obviously, I do mean incessantly - I even looked it up to make sure it was a strong enough adjective to describe how we feel about it :-) The other, less obvious, reason is that the more I think about it the more I realize we are teaching them a very bad habits. Yes, we NEED help doing the dishes, making the beds, sweeping, dusting, vacuuming and taking care of laundry. But we could do it ourselves if we had to or chose to... But we can because somewhere along the line we had to. John and I both have pretty good work ethics - John's more obvious than mine. Reminding them (incessantly) is giving them a crutch that allows them to never depend on their own minds and conscience to take responsibility and accept consequences for their actions and the lack thereof. Letting them constantly slide by without holding them to reasonable standards isn't teaching them the importance of quality in their work performance and attention to detail. If these habits are not formed now when they are young and still developing their values and forming their conscience when will they be??? It's not just about getting the house clean and food on the table. It's about all the things that God asks of us and provides to us through grace:
Gifts of the Holy Spirit - Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Fortitude, Knowledge, Piety, Fear of the Lord;
Fruits of the Holy Spirit - Charity, Joy, Peace, Patience, Forbearance, Goodness, Kindness, Mildness, Fidelity, Modesty, Continency, Chastity;
and the wonderful Virtues - Humility, Generosity, Chastity, Meekness, Temperance, Brotherly Love and Diligence.
And what disadvantages are we handing them by not doing what we firmly believe is our God-given responsibility? As adults, they will have to choose whether they will be obedient to God, faithful to their spouse and committed to their children. We all know we don't want to teach our kids what to think but rather how to think. Good choices come from knowing the Truth (with a capital T) and acting accordingly in all matters.
Another even less obvious reason is this; by letting them work so diligently at the farm, which they are happy to do, but allowing them to slack off at home what message is that sending them??? It resembles the man/woman who gives his/her all at their 'job' but gives little or nothing to their family and only when reminded or nagged that it is their first and foremost responsibility. It teaches the one at home as well, that it is acceptable for the working parent/spouse to do this - it's not. Families are falling apart and it starts at the very foundation with responsibility for caring for one another just as Christ instructed us. It's in the little things that we really love each other best.
John and I have pretty much raised two children and, still, we struggle with being consistent holding the ones at home to reasonable standards for their responsibilities. One of us reminds them every day, many times a day every single thing they are supposed to do or it simply doesn't get done - we have done it for all our parental years. We have allowed it so we created our own monster, so to speak, but we have to change it because neither of us likes the results. The most obvious is that we're both too exhausted mentally and physically to do it ourselves, go behind them and correct it when it isn't done right (and I'm not a perfectionist) and too frustrated and distracted to continue reminding them incessantly: :-)
continuing without interruption; ceaseless; unending: an incessant noise.
—Synonyms unceasing, constant, continuous, never-ending, perpetual; eternal, everlasting; relentless, unrelenting, unremitting.
—Antonyms intermittent.
Obviously, I do mean incessantly - I even looked it up to make sure it was a strong enough adjective to describe how we feel about it :-) The other, less obvious, reason is that the more I think about it the more I realize we are teaching them a very bad habits. Yes, we NEED help doing the dishes, making the beds, sweeping, dusting, vacuuming and taking care of laundry. But we could do it ourselves if we had to or chose to... But we can because somewhere along the line we had to. John and I both have pretty good work ethics - John's more obvious than mine. Reminding them (incessantly) is giving them a crutch that allows them to never depend on their own minds and conscience to take responsibility and accept consequences for their actions and the lack thereof. Letting them constantly slide by without holding them to reasonable standards isn't teaching them the importance of quality in their work performance and attention to detail. If these habits are not formed now when they are young and still developing their values and forming their conscience when will they be??? It's not just about getting the house clean and food on the table. It's about all the things that God asks of us and provides to us through grace:
Gifts of the Holy Spirit - Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Fortitude, Knowledge, Piety, Fear of the Lord;
Fruits of the Holy Spirit - Charity, Joy, Peace, Patience, Forbearance, Goodness, Kindness, Mildness, Fidelity, Modesty, Continency, Chastity;
and the wonderful Virtues - Humility, Generosity, Chastity, Meekness, Temperance, Brotherly Love and Diligence.
And what disadvantages are we handing them by not doing what we firmly believe is our God-given responsibility? As adults, they will have to choose whether they will be obedient to God, faithful to their spouse and committed to their children. We all know we don't want to teach our kids what to think but rather how to think. Good choices come from knowing the Truth (with a capital T) and acting accordingly in all matters.
Another even less obvious reason is this; by letting them work so diligently at the farm, which they are happy to do, but allowing them to slack off at home what message is that sending them??? It resembles the man/woman who gives his/her all at their 'job' but gives little or nothing to their family and only when reminded or nagged that it is their first and foremost responsibility. It teaches the one at home as well, that it is acceptable for the working parent/spouse to do this - it's not. Families are falling apart and it starts at the very foundation with responsibility for caring for one another just as Christ instructed us. It's in the little things that we really love each other best.
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